If the Moon falls out of the sky, we’ll implement 

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

If the Moon is made of cheese, we’ll implement 

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

If pigs learn how to fly, we’ll implement 

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

If cows learn how to fly, we’ll implement 

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

If aliens built the pyramids, we’ll implement  

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

If Putin learns what TRUTH is, we’ll implement 

         Phase Three of the sanctions on Putin.

BUT

If a cow jumps over the Moon and a BIG cow pat lands on Moscow, drowning it, we’ll pardon Putin, maybe.